Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
