you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
