oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
