If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
