jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
