just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
