and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude. I can hear the air.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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