I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
