I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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