I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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