But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
