dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
