Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
