was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
