party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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