i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
