hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
