You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
