don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
