this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
