I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
