so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
