I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
