She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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