There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize