Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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