my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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