I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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