The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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