i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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