Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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