don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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