I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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