I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
