so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
