i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
