Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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