Don't make out with my wife yet
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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