i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
