i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
