I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
