Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
