You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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