Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
