You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
