I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
