Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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