Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this just has baby written all over it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
