you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
