it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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