My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
