The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
