Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
