So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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