Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
