Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
