Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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