So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.