I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!