He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
do herpes really smell.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...