I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.