How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire