you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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