She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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