Got a toothbrush?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
