I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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