i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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