Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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