I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
