her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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