Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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