I got her a Nickelback box set.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
