Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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