I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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