Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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