then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
